In previous parts of this series, we explored the importance of guiding rather than controlling and how active listening fosters trust between parents and their young adults. In this part, we turn to a powerful skill every 21st-century parent must develop: Emotional Intelligence (EI).
Many parents today are emotionally reactive instead of emotionally intelligent. They yell when they should pause. They shut down when they should engage. They punish when they should reflect. Why? Because they have not yet learned to manage their own emotions, let alone their child’s.
Emotional Intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, manage, and influence emotions—both yours and others’.
Let’s break this down in the context of parenting:
1. Self-awareness
This is the ability to notice and name your emotions in the heat of the moment.
Do you know when you're angry, anxious, tired, or overwhelmed? Do you understand how your mood affects the way you speak to your teen? Many parents operate on autopilot, unaware that their tone or body language is pushing their child away.
Parenting tip:
When emotions rise, pause before reacting. Ask yourself, What am I feeling right now? And why?
2. Self-regulation
It’s not enough to be aware of your emotions—you must also manage them.
This is especially important when dealing with teens, who often test boundaries. Reacting with harsh words or impulsive punishments breaks trust. Instead, modeling calm responses teaches your child emotional control by example.
Parenting tip:
Learn to respond, not react. A calm parent creates a calm environment.
3. Empathy
This is the heart of emotional intelligence—putting yourself in your child's shoes.
Teens today face pressures many of us didn’t have growing up: social media, mental health challenges, identity crises, and fast-paced societal expectations. Dismissing their struggles as "childish" or "dramatic" only creates a sense of distance.
Parenting tip:
Instead of saying, “You’re overreacting,” try, “I can see this really matters to you—want to talk more about it?”
4. Social skills
This includes how you communicate, resolve conflicts, and influence your child. Do you have honest conversations, or do you give one-sided lectures? Are you approachable or always intimidating?
Parenting tip:
Practice respectful dialogue. Let your child see that disagreements don’t have to destroy relationships.
5. Motivation
This is the ability to stay committed to growth, for both yourself and your child. Emotionally intelligent parents are motivated to continually learn, unlearn, and relearn what effective parenting means at every stage of their child’s development.
Emotionally intelligent parenting doesn’t make you weak—it makes you wise.
It doesn’t remove boundaries—it builds them with love and respect.
Parenting in this era requires more than good intentions. It demands emotional maturity. And the good news? Emotional intelligence can be learned, practiced, and strengthened, just like any other skill.
To be continued...
Written by Ayodele Ogunleye