Parenting in the 21st century has taken a markedly different approach compared to how our orthodox parents raised us in the past. The traditional methods of enforcing compliance or coercing teenagers and young adults into submission no longer work effectively. As a result, many parents today are experiencing a growing disconnect from their young adults and teenagers.We now hear more and more about continuous friction between parents and their teenage children. The home, which is meant to be a place of peace, love, and genuine bonding, is increasingly becoming a battlefield of misunderstandings and strained relationships.
From our observations and findings, several key factors contribute to this growing divide. One of the first and most significant is the mindset surrounding the word "CONTROL."
Too often, parents believe they have the right to control their young adults simply because they provide for their basic needs—food, shelter, clothing, and more. But this approach is fundamentally flawed. The very concept of control should be carefully reconsidered, if not completely discarded, in the context of raising today’s youth.
Let’s face it—nobody, regardless of age, likes to be controlled like a robot. Teens and young adults are especially resistant to such tactics. They are growing individuals, striving to form their own identities, values, and visions for the future.
Instead of “control,” a better word—and approach—is “guidance.”
Everyone appreciates being guided with respect, empathy, and purpose. Our children value us more when they see that we’re not only concerned with enforcing our own views, but are also genuinely interested in understanding theirs. They are more likely to open up when they feel heard and respected, even if their ideas seem immature or unrealistic. By engaging them in thoughtful dialogue rather than dismissive commands, we strengthen our relationships and nurture mutual trust.
When we guide rather than control, we don’t lose our children—we empower them.
This shift in approach may feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar, especially for those of us raised in stricter environments, but it is necessary if we are to remain relevant and effective in our parenting journey.
To be continued...
Ayodele Ogunleye